For those who are taking a break after struggling with some mathematics problem... Just forget about it and relax:

    Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.
         
     In a dark, narrow alley, a function and a differential operator meet:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm exp(x)..."
Later, same alley, same function, but a different operator:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm exp(x)..."
"Too bad... I'm d/dy." 


    At a conference, a mathematician proves a theorem.
Someone in the audience interrupts him: "That proof must be wrong - I have a counterexample to your theorem."
The speaker replies: "I don't care - I have another proof for it." 

   A math professor is talking to her little brother who just started his first year of graduate school in mathematics.
          "What's your favorite thing about mathematics?" the brother wants to know.
          "Knot theory."
          "Yeah, me neither." 

    - How do you make one burn?
  - Differentiate a log (fire)! 

   - What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?
- Zero. 
- Why?
- Because all poles are in Eastern Europe!

    - How do you call the largest accumulation point of poles?
- Warsaw! 

   - Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
- Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

   It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?"
The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!" 

   - Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
         -  Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!

    - How does one insult a mathematician? 
- You say: "Your brain is smaller than any  € > 0!"

     - What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
  - A polynomial ring!

     - What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
  - A high school math problem!

     - What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? 
 - The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work;  the philosopher can do without the trash bin...

     Two math students, a boy and his girlfriend, are going to a fair. They are in line to ride the ferris wheel when it shuts down.
 The boy says: "It's a sin for those people to keep us waiting like this!" The girl replies: "No - it's a cosin, silly!!!"

     A mathematician is asked by a friend who is a devout Christian: "Do you believe in one God?"
 He answers: "Yes - up to isomorphism."

     How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
  "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."

    "Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.
"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Theorem 1:   Every positive integer is interesting.
Proof:            Assume towards a contradiction that there is an uninteresting positive integer.
                      Then there must be a smallest uninteresting positive integer. 
                      But being the smallest uninteresting positive integer is interesting by itself. Contradiction!

Theorem 2:  A cat has nine tails.
Proof:           No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat,  it must have nine tails.    


      Mathematicians never die - they only loose some of their functions.


Math problems?  For assistance,  call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].