Things not to say or do at your thesis defense...
- Charge 25 cents a cup for coffee.
- Puppet show.
- "You call THAT a question? How the hell did they make you a
- "Ladies and Gentlemen as I dim the lights, please hold hands and
concentrate so that we may channel the spirit of Karl Friedrich Gauss..."
- Have bodyguards outside the room to "discourage" certain professors
from sitting in.
- Animal sacrifice to the god of the Underworld.
- Sell T-shirts to recoup the cost of copying, binding, etc.
- Have a bikini-clad model be in charge of changing the overheads.
- Charge a cover and check for ID.
- "Anybody else as drunk as I am?"
- Smoke machines, dramatic lighting, pyrotechnics...
- Use a Super Soaker to point at people.
- The Emperor's New Slides ("only fools can't see the writing...")
- Two-drink minimum.
- "Which reminds me of a story - A Black guy, a Chinese guy, and a Jew
walked into a bar..."
- "There will be a short quiz after my presentation..."
- "Professor Robinson, will you marry me?"
- Halftime show.
- "OK, which one of you farted?"
- Sell those big foam "We're number #1" hands.
- Circulate a vicious rumor that the Dead will be opening, make sure
that it gets on the radio stations, and then escape during all the
- Post signs: "Due to a computer error at the Registrar's Office, the
original room is not available, and the defense has
been relocated to (Made-up non-existent room number)"
- Use a Greek Chorus to highlight important points.
- Answer every question with a question.
- "I don't know - I didn't write this."
- Roll credits at the end. Include a key grip and a best boy.
- Invite the homeless.
- Mosh pit.
- Have cheerleaders. ("Gimme an 'A'!!")
- Hang a sign that says "Thank you for not asking questions."
- Start giving your presentation 15 minutes early.
- Play drinking thesis games. Drink for each overhead. Drink for each
question. Chug for each awkward pause. This goes for the audience as well.